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Name: Jeremiah Donelson
Talent: Expert Feline Exterminator
Location: The Deep South
Claim to fame: I can kill cats faster than anyone else I know. It takes less than half of an ounce of antifreeze to kill nearly any cat but I’ve found you can actually get the job done with ¼. Furthermore by only using a forth you cause their systems to shut down more slowly. Basically by using less you cause more pain! Quite intriguing really.
I am also an inventor. I’ve come up with over 200 uses for cats and their various body parts. Did you know that cat eyes can be ground up into a fine powder then used in combination with a powerful oxidizer (like potassium nitrate) to make a potent... uh.. excuse me for the lack of a scientific term here: “De-wood-ifier”? Just one sniff of the stuff will prevent you from getting a hard on for hours. Think of it as anti-viagra.
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