TSGlider

Personally, I don't want to believe in Global Warming. I've got enough shit to worry about as it is, but I'm not easily convinced of anything, and I can't find anyone reliable to dispel the theory. If I search for skeptics I run across a short list of names, the vast majority of whom are tied directly to energy companies or to think tanks subsidized by energy companies.

If I try to convince friends of this, like the other day, I say, "Hey Mel, check it out! Robert C. Balling at ASU insists mankind has little impact on global warming."

Cocksure Mel, he says, "Shit, Duke you stupid prick. Balling he been on the Exxon tip for years. They gave him $400,000. You pay me $400,000, I'll do anything you say. I will even call you smart and handsome."

"Easy Mel," I say. "Easy now. Sallie Baliunas tells me the same thing. This chick's a Harvard professor, too. So roll that up, Mel. Roll that up in your GED and smoke it."

"Well, golly gee, Duke," Melly Mel retorts. "Sallie's worse than that Balling when it comes to bobbing on the big oil knob. The girl get around. She a member of at least nine organizations which receive financial support from the petroleum industry, including the American Petroleum Institute?and they don?t just make Vaseline."

At this point, Mel starts insulting me, calling me gullible and a chucklehead.

He tells me that Rupert Murdoch and even Pat Robertson now believe that Global Warming is a threat. Worse still, that ExxonMobil, just this month, did a 180 and now says, "We know enough now ? or, society knows enough now ? that the risk is serious and action should be taken."

I?m fit to be tied, so I do what I normally do in these situations: I shut down and start yelling out lines from Scarface. ?Goodbye Mel!? I shout. ?Maybe you can find yourself a first-class ticket to the resurrection!"

Somebody, help me, please, gimme a little sugar to shut my smug friend up.

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