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little fucking johnny
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
"That's right!" she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"
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The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."
Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework."
The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."
Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."
She calls on Little Johnny in the back.
Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna pee on the piano."
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Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
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