Drunk Girls at bars.
November 19th, 2006
Over the course of the last few years, I have noticed a new trend in women that go out drinking with their friends.
No matter how much they drink, they never get drunk.
It is amazing.
Now, being a failed journalist still trying to pass off this site as a legitimate source of information, I decided to investigate the matter. Ok, really, nothing to investigate, rather I just thought about it for a little while and came up with this.
Whenever women pass out after drinking, have a post-drinking-night hangover, do something really stupid during the course of drinks served (such as tell your dude friends how she had to help you open a jelly jar last Tuesday which it TOTALLY NOT TRUE!!!), blow a guy she just met in the bar on the way home in his Honda Civic, or leave her credit card, id and cell phone at the bar: She was drugged.
She was not drunk. She was drugged. Roofied. Had something slipped in her drink.
When guys get belligerent, in a fight, pass out at the strip club, or make out with ugly chicks all night: They were drunk.
Ok. Get ready. Because here it comes.
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You know it is coming. Hold on.
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Women have found a loophole. They have found a way to get excusably hammered at the bars and still compliment themselves.
UNBELIEVABLE!
That?s right, so now when chicks go to the bar and act like nuts, it is because they are really hot and some pathetic dude took the time to roofy her martini but?.and wait?..he forgot to go back and drag her out of the bar caveman style when she passed out by the bathroom door in a pool off her own vomit!
Man, if I spend even $30 on dinner and drinks at Sizzler, I don?t suddenly forget that I want pussy; much less if I went through all the effort to buy a $10 martini at Club Sutra, put an illegal substance in it, and then wait around until she passed out at a table. I think I would remember that.
It had nothing to do with her drinking 6 martinis and two shots of Patron Silver. Instead, her hotness did her in. Ahhh, how terrible it is to be so hot.
The rash of using this as an excuse is growing every weekend. In fact, watch, once one girl in the group ?gets roofied? in one of her 7 cosmopolitans that night, her friend will get ?super roofied? the next weekend. For God?s sake, she doesn?t want to feel outdone.
She is hot too and don?t you forget it!
Every time a dude gets drunk, the next day he has to go around apologizing to to the masses. You have to go to the 7-11 and apologize for the jokes you made while buying smokes. You have to call that girl up that you kept trying to kiss all night long. You have to explain why that gnarly girl is still sitting on the couch while your buddies are trying to watch Football. You have to tell the gnarly girl to leave. And then, if you have girls that are just friends, they sometimes make you call the gnarly girl up later and apologize.
But with women, all this is just summed up with, ?I am so hot that dudes are trying to roofy me at the bars.?
Well, I for one am on to the game. Time for these chicks to get back to reality with the rest of us. If you go out and do a bunch of shots, you are going to end up doing a lot of stupid shit, passing out, having a hangover and then apologizing to a bunch of people.
Now, before everyone starts crying, yes, I realize that girls get roofied at bars. I know it happens. But lets keep things in perspective, it isn?t happening every time a girl gets hammered.