|
I?ve always heard bad things about Ouija boards and since I?m a skeptic first I decided to get one and try it out and put the claims about its mystical powers to rest once and for all.
What happened next is not for the faint of heart?
I first began my long and tiring task to find one of these boards. Almost no store had one as the place I live are afraid of everything and full of that oh-so-awesome Christian vigor. I finally managed to track one down ? at a TOYS?R?US no less. I go in and get the board and trek down to Hobby Town USA and setup the board where the usual D&D players setup there shit. I knew this would make for the perfect bait, at the perfect place, and at the perfect time.
A small rampaging horde of D&D players angrily descended upon my location and with a feverous attitude they demanding I vacate from ?their domain?. They pull out these weird dice and threaten to roll them at me. Terrified I tell them I am willing to leave but only if they are willing to try an experiment using this mystifying Ouija boards. At first they are angry beyond comprehension, a few of them shaking their fists angrily. Finally they agree to try it out.
Three of them took hold of some little glass thing and started to ask the spirits important questions, such as ?will such and such ever get laid? or ?will I get an ice mace?. This went on for sometime and nothing happened with the pointer. Suddenly, and without warning, I heard a rumbling coming from one of the fatter D&D players who was standing back watching. He started to shake with a fury and belched out what I can only describe as sulfuric demonic bile.
He suddenly puked up his demonic evil all over the board and fell over, riving in great pain. Suddenly he started to fart uncontrollably and soon gaseous vapors filled the room. A brownish blob soon poured forth from his pants legs; his ass let loose all of the dark spirits taint in the form of an uncontrollable blast of diarrhea. I just stepped back in horror as all of this unfolded before my very eyes. Others started to get sick, they started to puke? I knew what had to be done.
I quickly grabbed the board that started it all and put it back in its box. I went to the local hardware store and bought enough chain to make sure that this beast would forever be contained inside its evil cardboard container. As I bound it in chains, I could feel the evil darkness leaking from its edges. Wasting no more time, I quickly sank it in a deep abandoned quarry, hoping that it?s murky, chalky waters could contain the great evil once and for all.
And that is the story of how I saved Ireland from the Great Leprechaun Menace during the great potato famine of 1992.
|