Originally Posted by AssPirate

I remember my timeshare fiasco. A cousin of mine invited me over to Italy to spend some time with her family. Their villa was in the northern tip of Liguria, Italy, a stone's throw away from the Aegean. We got to fish for own lunch and dinner. It was really a wonderful place to have a vacation.

One day while I was wading in the beach, this really hot chick in a Versace two-piece just happened to bump into me. Seeing that she had no male or even female companion, I chatted her up so we can have a glass of grappa and salumi by the villa.

It turns out she was a "timeshare" consultant from France. She was here on vacation to see for herself if the vacation homes of her clients were worth their salt in the brochures. She even offerred a tour of the place the next day. Seeing that I'd rather score, I said I'd love to meet up with her. I gave her my address and she told me she would pick me up from the villa.

The next day, she arrived promptly and picked me up not with a car, but with this really sleek looking Vespa -- those scooters Italians use to go around the countryside. Impressed but looking forward to have my way with her, I was docile every step of the way.

We travelled around twenty five minutes off the coast and had stopped by this really decrepit old place. But the view was amazing! We parked the Vespa into a nearby olive tree and walked towards an old house that looked it had seen better years. But if it was properly fixed, it would be one good-looking piece of real estate. She had a key with her and told me to follow her inside. By this time, she had this conspiratorial look on her face. I read it as friskiness.

She led me to the old rusted gate and towards the main entrance which was a huge oak door that had been sculpted with the letters "H" and "V". I was already sweating in anticipation. My throat is getting dry and my boner had started to assert itself beneath my trousers.

When we got in, I noticed that the foyer was still in good condition. A bit shabby but still liveable. The girl quietly looked at me from head to toe and licked her lips. She was standing against the door. She told me to take off my clothes, which I did in record time. When I thought she was to take off hers, she pointed a small pistol at me, took my pants with my wallet and locked me inside the villa.

I spent the entire evening at that house. Good thing, some townspeople heard my cries for help. One farmer -- bless his soul -- lent me his trousers and offerred to take me to where my cousins were. I was just glad I wasn't hurt. But I didn't tell her what happened to me that day.

So lesson learned: STAY AWAY FROM TIME SHARE!