Originally Posted by notabook

I fear dolphins because they smile constantly. They are smiling because they are plotting something huge... it's the same thing as a shimmy eye or whistling before doing something evil. I can't quite tell what their motives are yet... all I know it bodes nothing well for the human race.

I hate books because, well, simply put books are fags. If it doesn't come on TV or you can't go see a movie on it, it just isn't worth your time. Also reading just one book a month increases your chances of stroke by 17%. It's just not worth the risk to your health... I mean I could see it if getting a blowjob increased your chance of stroke by 17%, every man would sitll take the risk. But reading a book? FUCK NO. Also books cause eye cancer. But honestly that's not the reason I hate books, oh no, it's a much MUCH darker reason than that.

When I was but a young child I loved to read books, books were my life. I was always told that you could visit places worlds apart just by going to your local library. Being a stupid fucking kid, I believed it. I read all sorts of great books and I truly thought that books were in my future. My dream ended one day when I was on the way to my local library. As I entered, I knew things seemed a bit off. A man dressed in all black and a white mask accosted me and pushed me into a back room. He then forced all of my clothes off and ass raped me with a copy of Jules Verne's Twenty Thousands Leagues Under the Sea.

As I called out to the other books for help I was mortified by what I saw. All of them, even the Curious George books which I had held so dear to my heart were drooling in anticipation that they may be next in line to drill into my anus. From that day on I realized that I and I alone must take up the cause to become a beacon of truth and justice to all of those who have been victimized by a book. I've burned my fair share of books but burning them alone can't stop them. To truly stop the books I must stop their source: those dirty fucking authors.

As for cats? well anybody who has read any of my anti-cat posts should realize by now that felines are evolving at an alarming rate and will soon develop language and a complex society. Soon after, they will enslave all humanity and use us as their personal scratching posts.