Doctor Dre

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say
"could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and
girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as
a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze
hers really, really hard until she cries. This will
impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock
her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed
up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if
she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be", repeat
this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her
you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her
that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for
her own personal improvement,and
every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the
most. Then when
she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break
them. Because jewellery is for *****'s and Asian
ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's
looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the
words **** you and grab the other girls arse. Girls
love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for
miles so she thinks
it's going to be really special. Then take her to a
burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell
her you were just kidding and now you're really going
to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she
starts crying and asks why you would do something like
that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear
"...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick".
Women love those
special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving
her your jacket.. then you might get cold. Rather,
look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop
b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be
b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm
is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll
have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come
back right when the party's dying and yell at her the
whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she
has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff
like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast
asleep, wait 10
minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat
until she goes home and you can use your arms for more
important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This
will only give her self
confidence. Then you can never turn her into the
object she deep down
desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the
following: shoes,
earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only
take one of the
pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to
order interrupt
and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat.
Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her
one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it
has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A
bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear
it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're
mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something.
Teach her
material objects aren't important. The only thing
that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your
happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday,
Christmas, or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next
time you know
she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can
open and have the present visibly sticking out of the
can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but
I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you
say you will, promise her that you will call her at a
certain time of the day. This will make sure that she
waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're
going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be
really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite
funny

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