Originally Posted by Hooligan

Its a great mystery why soccer is the world's number one sport outside of the United States and despite enormous investment in leagues and even hosting the World Cup, they can't get Americans interested in watching it.

So I have a few ideas about minor changes that could be made to the game to appeal more to Americans:

Stop the game every 3 minutes to prevent the American audience feeling deprived of advertisements.

Stopping the game every three minutes has the additional advantage of allowing fat people and enormous genetic freaks to play

Dress the players in skin tight spandex pants

Everytime the play restarts have the players bend over and shove their asses in the air.

A free kick can only start by one player bending over in his tight spandex pants and another player behind him with his face right up to his ass.

Make each goal worth "7 points" so a score of 3:2 would become the much more exciting result of 21:14