science jokes :) - GoFuckYourself.com

Grapesoda · 10-02-2014, 10:12 AM

1. I?m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can?t put it down.

2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn?t seem to be gaining momentum.

3. Why can?t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don?t believe in higher powers.

4. Schrodinger?s cat walks into a bar. And doesn?t.

5. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.

6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
?What do we want??.
?Time travel?
?When do we want it??.
?Irrelevant.?

7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies ?For you, no charge?.

9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
?Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.?
?Are you sure??
?Yes, I?m positive.?

10. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

yuu.design · 10-02-2014, 10:15 AM

hahaha, good ones :P

yuu.design · 10-02-2014, 10:17 AM

Tom_PM · 10-02-2014, 10:24 AM

3% of scientists believe that humans do not contribute to global warming.

PR_Glen · 10-02-2014, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom_PM

3% of scientists believe that humans do not contribute to global warming.

that number changes quite a bit when you add in the key words 'significantly contributes' which would be in better context to any argument.

seeandsee · 10-02-2014, 10:46 AM

Nice jokes, even for normal people

Quote:

Originally Posted by yuu

lol

PaperstreetWinston · 10-02-2014, 03:43 PM

hahaha, good ones mate!

mikesouth · 10-02-2014, 03:46 PM

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have a glass of water too. Why did you say H2O? It's the end of the day and there's no need to talk about work." The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

Lykos · 10-03-2014, 03:00 AM

Not bad at all

2MuchMark · 10-03-2014, 04:55 AM

Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

Have you heard that entropy isn't what it used to be?

Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

Ha!

woj · 10-03-2014, 06:54 AM

oppoten · 10-03-2014, 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by **********

Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

John-ACWM · 10-03-2014, 08:23 AM

some good jokes, thanks for the laughs!

michael.kickass · 10-03-2014, 08:24 AM

haha, good ones!

mikesouth · 10-03-2014, 09:02 AM

"Copernicus, young man, when are you going to come to terms with the fact that the world does not revolve around you."

Murphy's Ten Laws for String Theorists:

(1) If you fix a mistake in a mathematical superstring calculation, another one will show up somewhere else.
(2) If your results are based on the work of others, then one such work will turn out to be wrong. (3) The longer your article, the more likely your computer hard disk drive will fail while you are typing the references.
(4) The better your research result, the more likely it will be rejected by the referee of a journal; on the other hand, if your work is wrong but not obviously so, it will be accepted for publication right away.
(5) If a result seems to good to be true, it is unless you are one of the top ten string theorists in the world. (By the way, these theorists refer to their results as "string miracles".)
(6) Your most startling string-theoretic theorem will turn out to be valid in only two spatial dimensions or less.
(7) When giving a string seminar, nobody will follow anything you say after the first minute, but, if miraculously someone does, then that person will point out a flaw in your reasoning half-way through your talk and what will be worse is that your grant review officer will happen to be in the audience.
(8) For years, nobody will ever notice the fudge factors in your calculations, but when you come up for tenure they will surface like fish being tossed fresh breadcrumbs.
(9) If you are a graduate student working on string theory, then the field will be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.; Even worse, if you start over with a new thesis topic, the new field will also be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.
(10) If you discover an interesting string model, then it will predict at least one low-energy, observable particle not seen in Nature.

Q. What does DNA stand for?
A. National Dyslexics Association

10-02-2014, 10:12 AM	#1
Grapesoda So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Montana Posts: 46,150	science jokes :) 1. I?m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can?t put it down. 2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn?t seem to be gaining momentum. 3. Why can?t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don?t believe in higher powers. 4. Schrodinger?s cat walks into a bar. And doesn?t. 5. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell. 6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab: ?What do we want??. ?Time travel? ?When do we want it??. ?Irrelevant.? 7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark! 8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies ?For you, no charge?. 9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: ?Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.? ?Are you sure?? ?Yes, I?m positive.? 10. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

10-02-2014, 10:15 AM	#2
yuu.design Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Argentina Posts: 25,924	hahaha, good ones :P __________________ Beautiful And Usable Web Design Creations For The Adult Industry Since 2003 I'm Yuu, Designer and Content Producer Paysites - Affiliate Programs - Dating & Cam Sites - Mainstream Projects - Tube Sites - Banners - Wordpress Themes - NATs integration - Landing Pages Check my Portfolio and Content Production Offers

10-02-2014, 10:17 AM	#3
yuu.design Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Argentina Posts: 25,924	__________________ Beautiful And Usable Web Design Creations For The Adult Industry Since 2003 I'm Yuu, Designer and Content Producer Paysites - Affiliate Programs - Dating & Cam Sites - Mainstream Projects - Tube Sites - Banners - Wordpress Themes - NATs integration - Landing Pages Check my Portfolio and Content Production Offers

10-02-2014, 10:24 AM	#4
Tom_PM Porn Meister Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 16,443	3% of scientists believe that humans do not contribute to global warming. __________________ 43-922-863 Shut up and play your guitar.

10-02-2014, 03:43 PM	#7
PaperstreetWinston Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2014 Posts: 2,600	hahaha, good ones mate! __________________ Winston Affiliate Support PaperstreetCash MYLFMoney Charger Cash Skype: mikrocosmos1 Email: [email protected]

10-02-2014, 03:46 PM	#8
mikesouth Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: My High Horse Posts: 6,346	Two scientists walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have a glass of water too. Why did you say H2O? It's the end of the day and there's no need to talk about work." The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed. __________________ Mike South It's No wonder I took up drugs and alcohol, it's the only way I could dumb myself down enough to cope with the morons in this biz.

10-03-2014, 03:00 AM	#9
Lykos Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: World Posts: 31,009	Not bad at all __________________

10-03-2014, 04:55 AM	#10
2MuchMark Videochat Solutions Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 45,739	Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex? A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position. Have you heard that entropy isn't what it used to be? Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am." Ha! __________________ VideoChat Solutions \| Custom Software \| IT Support https://www.2much.net \| https://www.lcntech.com

10-03-2014, 06:54 AM	#11
woj <&(©¿©)&> Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 47,883	__________________ Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager

10-03-2014, 08:23 AM	#13
John-ACWM Work Work Work Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: EU Posts: 20,060	some good jokes, thanks for the laughs! __________________ Video Chat Forum

10-03-2014, 08:24 AM	#14
michael.kickass Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 11,039	haha, good ones! __________________ NICERATIOS - $30 PPS - 50% Rev Share - 5% WM Referral - High Converting Sites! Any questions about your NICERATIOS account? Vanessa will take care of you: [email protected] Looking to expand your business in general, maybe sell your sites? Contact me: [email protected]

10-03-2014, 09:02 AM	#15
mikesouth Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: My High Horse Posts: 6,346	"Copernicus, young man, when are you going to come to terms with the fact that the world does not revolve around you." Murphy's Ten Laws for String Theorists: (1) If you fix a mistake in a mathematical superstring calculation, another one will show up somewhere else. (2) If your results are based on the work of others, then one such work will turn out to be wrong. (3) The longer your article, the more likely your computer hard disk drive will fail while you are typing the references. (4) The better your research result, the more likely it will be rejected by the referee of a journal; on the other hand, if your work is wrong but not obviously so, it will be accepted for publication right away. (5) If a result seems to good to be true, it is unless you are one of the top ten string theorists in the world. (By the way, these theorists refer to their results as "string miracles".) (6) Your most startling string-theoretic theorem will turn out to be valid in only two spatial dimensions or less. (7) When giving a string seminar, nobody will follow anything you say after the first minute, but, if miraculously someone does, then that person will point out a flaw in your reasoning half-way through your talk and what will be worse is that your grant review officer will happen to be in the audience. (8) For years, nobody will ever notice the fudge factors in your calculations, but when you come up for tenure they will surface like fish being tossed fresh breadcrumbs. (9) If you are a graduate student working on string theory, then the field will be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.; Even worse, if you start over with a new thesis topic, the new field will also be dead by the time you get your Ph.D. (10) If you discover an interesting string model, then it will predict at least one low-energy, observable particle not seen in Nature. Q. What does DNA stand for? A. National Dyslexics Association __________________ Mike South It's No wonder I took up drugs and alcohol, it's the only way I could dumb myself down enough to cope with the morons in this biz.