Hot or Not Prison Joke - GoFuckYourself.com

brassmonkey · 04-11-2017, 01:08 PM

A giant buff man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he?s in there, the husband tells his wife:
?Listen, this guy?s an escaped convict, look at his clothes!
He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn?t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck.? If he wants sex, don?t resist, don?t complain, do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he?ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.?
To which his wife responds:
?He wasn?t kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too!!?

Spunky · 04-11-2017, 02:10 PM

Doh..damn those poofters!

brassmonkey · 04-11-2017, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spunky

Doh..damn those poofters!

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.

When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the performance.

The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.

The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.

So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed. and finds four Chinese men.

Grapesoda · 04-11-2017, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brassmonkey

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.

When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the performance.

The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.

The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.

So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed. and finds four Chinese men.

can't miss what you can't measure

JFK · 04-11-2017, 08:48 PM

Twoface31 · 04-11-2017, 09:03 PM

hahaahhaah this is funny

brassmonkey · 04-11-2017, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JFK

Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his mother what ?shit? meant.

Thinking fast she replied ?food on the table?.

Next day he comes home and asks his mother what does ?son of a bitch? mean.

Again, thinking fast again she says ?It?s a priest?.

Next day he comes home a asks what does ?fuckin'? mean.

She says it means ?getting dressed?.

That same night a priest was coming over for dinner.

Johnny is just finished setting the table when he hears the doorbell ring.

He yells ?got it?

He opens the door and says ?Hey son of a bitch, shits on the table and mom and dad are upstairs fuckin'?.

freecartoonporn · 04-11-2017, 11:03 PM

lol lol that was funny

Sunny Day · 04-12-2017, 12:07 AM

Short, nerdy guy, dressed in white shirt, glasses and bow tie is going around the neighborhood with his clipboard, taking a survey.
He rings the doorbell and an Amazon woman answers the door. He explains he's taking a survey and would she mind asking a few intimate questions. She replies she will.
Are you married?
Yes I am.
For how long?
10 years.
Do you have any children?
No
Well to be married for 10 years and have no children you must practice some sort of birth control.
Yes we do.
May I ask what birth control method you use.
The Bucket and Saucer Method.
Madame, I'm afraid I've never heard of that method. Can you tell me what that is.
My husband is a short guy like you. Every night to make love to me he stands on a bucket. When his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him.

Devious Angel · 04-12-2017, 12:25 AM

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina.
That’s how you get a baby, honey.”
The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth.
What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear.
Jewelry."

davidCRM · 04-12-2017, 01:00 AM

good ones

but back to the prison theme...

3 drug abusers are in the same cell - a coke user, an acid user and a cannabis user.

the coke user snorts up a line and goes "Let's break the bars with our bare hands, smack everyone's head AND FUCKIN KILL EVERYONE AND RUN AWAY!!"

the acid dropper pushing the 3rd blotter under his eye goes "i'd say.... iiii.... let's turn into small, tiny little ants and just float away out the window... into the vast colourful universe..."

the weed smoker takes a toke. "yeah, yeah... a bit later, man.."

04-11-2017, 01:08 PM	#1
brassmonkey Pay It Forward Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Yo Mama House Posts: 75,381	Prison Joke A giant buff man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he?s in there, the husband tells his wife: ?Listen, this guy?s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn?t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.? If he wants sex, don?t resist, don?t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he?ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.? To which his wife responds: ?He wasn?t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!? __________________ EMAIL ==>[email protected] ==> #NOBIDEN2024 TRUMP 2024!!! \| END DACA!!!! \| HCR2060 <= ILLEGAL ALIENS!!!!...👮 => TRUMPS PAYDAY!!!!... - Support The Laken Riley Act!!! - Trump Nobel Prize...

04-11-2017, 02:10 PM	#2
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,892	Doh..damn those poofters! __________________ *Skype : Spunky GFY*

04-11-2017, 08:48 PM	#5
JFK FUBAR the ORIGINATOR Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: FUBARLAND Posts: 67,381	__________________ Sig Spot Available –contact JFK @ FUBARWebmasters.com FUBAR Webmasters - The FUBAR Times - FUBAR Webmasters Mobile - FUBARTV.XXX For promo opps contact jfk at fubarwebmasters dot com

04-11-2017, 09:03 PM	#6
Twoface31 Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 2,746	hahaahhaah this is funny __________________ Email: [email protected] HentaiG4h * Lusty Life ICQ: 291-953

04-11-2017, 11:03 PM	#8
freecartoonporn Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: NC Posts: 7,681	lol lol that was funny __________________ SSD Cloud Server, VPS Server, Simple Cloud Hosting \| DigitalOcean

04-12-2017, 12:07 AM	#9
Sunny Day Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 1,406	Short, nerdy guy, dressed in white shirt, glasses and bow tie is going around the neighborhood with his clipboard, taking a survey. He rings the doorbell and an Amazon woman answers the door. He explains he's taking a survey and would she mind asking a few intimate questions. She replies she will. Are you married? Yes I am. For how long? 10 years. Do you have any children? No Well to be married for 10 years and have no children you must practice some sort of birth control. Yes we do. May I ask what birth control method you use. The Bucket and Saucer Method. Madame, I'm afraid I've never heard of that method. Can you tell me what that is. My husband is a short guy like you. Every night to make love to me he stands on a bucket. When his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him.

04-12-2017, 12:25 AM	#10
Devious Angel Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2015 Posts: 241	A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry." __________________ Keep up with me at www.deviousangel.net

04-12-2017, 01:00 AM	#11
davidCRM Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2016 Location: Budapest, Hungary Posts: 1,542	good ones but back to the prison theme... 3 drug abusers are in the same cell - a coke user, an acid user and a cannabis user. the coke user snorts up a line and goes "Let's break the bars with our bare hands, smack everyone's head AND FUCKIN KILL EVERYONE AND RUN AWAY!!" the acid dropper pushing the 3rd blotter under his eye goes "i'd say.... iiii.... let's turn into small, tiny little ants and just float away out the window... into the vast colourful universe..." the weed smoker takes a toke. "yeah, yeah... a bit later, man.." __________________ David // Xcams & Xmodels Product- and CRM manager